I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
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Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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