she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
