i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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