He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
