So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
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Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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