im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
