i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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