I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
