if you like me you must not know who I am
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
