My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
