The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
