He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
