How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
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he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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