Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
