can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
