so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Randomize
