Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
