Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
