The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
