Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
