I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
