Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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