Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
