Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
