Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
