Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
