fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
