I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
How does one acquire holy water?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
