just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
