my sisters under your porch take her home
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
