On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Randomize
