His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Can you bring me the toilet please
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
They have beer where we have blood.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
