My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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