Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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