I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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