Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
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i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
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I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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