I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Randomize
