and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone