I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
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Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.