I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick