i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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