Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.