i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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