I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
