I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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