i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
