I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
