If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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