he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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