thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
