nut hugger
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
