I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
