Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
