Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
