I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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