I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
