hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
