wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
