How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
